what's with all this...emotional stuff??!

Well nothing too remarakable has happened since I last wrote. Ok, I survived my semester here at Moody at least as far as midterms, which is exciting...especially getting a 96% on my Western Culture midterm!! I'm not usually one for talking about grades, but that one DOES hold a special little place in my heart ^-^

I used to think-- ok, LIVE-- that I was a "writer." I had plots, characters, big ideas, and could wax eloquent (not necessarily very well, I must say) about philosophies of life that I barely had a grasp on...and I felt like somebody "special." Maybe I was the next Annie Dillard...living like a recluse but somehow discovering truths that everybody else just *couldn't* figure out. But I was missing something. I didn't have people. Depression and isolation might be good for inspiration when it comes to your latest fantasy epic or cutesy little love story, but in the end, you're still...depressed. And alone. Because for some reason you believe it's more important to have an incredible plot for the world you're writing instead of living a life you can look back on and have no regrets about. I tried it, and I ended up with a (in my opinion) pretty decent short story about two people who have some sort of cosmic collision and fall in love.

I don't know why I'm even saying this. I'm bored...and stuck at a tea house. But here's the thing: I'm "stuck" at this tea house with SOMEBODY. With a PERSON. Who has become something that matters, and someone who deserves to spend time with (that doesn't sound right...but ya know what I mean). And maybe I don't write much fiction anymore. I'm trying to do NaNoWriMo, but as of eight days before it starts, I haven't the slightest idea for a plot. And this whole "real people" thing is hard...the choices I make actually matter. I can be a jerk. I can be nice. I can be "busy." And what I am affects the people around me. In the end, that's a ton more work than creating a character who maybe seemed like a good idea but then you maybe changed your mind about so you go back and re-write who they are. Yep, real life is more work. But like most things that take work, it's something pretty wonderful.

Ew, that was remarkably "confessional" coming from me...probably won't happen again anytime soon ;)

And note to self: drinking 24 oz. of ice tea within 45 minutes isn't a very good idea :O

...this time around

Hello fellow countrymen, I've returned.
And I'm off facebook.
For a week.
I'd like to think that I've come back to this particular corner of the web because I THAT motivated of a writer, but I think if I'm really honest with myself, it's because I'm going into web-based communication withdraw. So maybe I do have only 3 followers, but that means that SOMEBODY out there is reading this. So that's my pathetic reason for coming back to "my consideration" after nearly 5 months.

Ok, I DO have a slightly less pathetic reason: Here I am, sophmore year of college (more on that shorty), and I've found myself with NO writing classes, and hardly any writing required for the classes I'm in. To me, writing well is a muscle that has to be continually worked on if you want to improve...you can't not write anything and still call yourself a writer. So, this is my attempt to get my literary groove back and escape from the world of true and false quizzes that my academic world consists of.

So, sophmore year, eh? It's true. After spending an awkward (and waaaay too hot and humid) summer at camp in southern Indiana, I came home 2 weeks early because of some bizarre upper-resp infection. Mom's home cooking of course made it better, and it was pretty fantastic to have an extra two weeks to get ready for Chicago and re-discover the joys of cooking after 5 weeks of processed meats (I am, for the record, a full-time vegetarian now) and "extra-heavy duty mayonnaise" (WHAT is the world is that??!). It's worth mentioning that two days before leaving for school, I got in an ER visit- worthy bike crash. Yep, no more details on that one...move along.

And on August 18th I road-tripped it with mi padres to the great city of Chicago for...FRESHMAN ORIENTATION!! Yeeeeaaah, I'm not a freshman, but I had to come anyways. Getting in the groove of a real "institution" took a few weeks, but I think I've found my place here...and what a wonderful, challenging, exciting place it is. I've joined the not-as-stuffy-as-it-sounds "Student Theological Society," and I'm the secretary. Yeah, I know I've had issues with being a secretary in the past ;) but it's a sweet team I'm on, and it's fun to be on the edge of what's going on around here and plan events and stuff. I'm next-door roomies with the infamous Kristen, and while we definitely have good times together, my ACTUAL roomate is sweet and fun...and alot cleaner than me. Oh great, now I feel guilty :/ Cafeteria food is, without a doubt, awful. There's alot of things I don't miss about Spokane, but I DO miss my brown rice, tofu, and other non-nauseating foods. And I miss being able to cook the food...not just eat it.

I know I left Spokane as a Print Media major. Surprise Surprise...I've changed...again. After an incident at camp that is too long to explain right now, I realized that my heart is with kids...and baking. So, I'm now an Urban Ministry major with a dream of opening a bakery in some big city and teaching inner city kids how to bake delicious pastries and other VERY IMPORTANT things like that. I'm at peace with it...which honestly isn't a very normal feeling for me. But when I think about it, I get happy inside, and I remember why I'm reading the incredibly boring Christianity and Western Culture textbook (I'm looking at you, Ferguson).

Well this is long...and I just brain fried. So I gots no more...sorry. Here's a picture from da city...taken from the roof of my 10-story dorm building. Oh Chicago, you make me happy.



PS- I think it's worth mentioning at this point that I'm having a highly intellectual love affair with Pascal. Yes, the old and quite dead French philosopher. But seriously...that guy is the best.

22 TtdWaMO-- 6

Number 6: Use Technology

22 TtdWaMO-- 3 & 4 AND 5

My apologies yesterday, I ended up running around quite a bit and just never found the inspiration. So, today I offer you yesterday and today's pictures as well as a BONUS "I'm so sorry" Thing to do With a Mandarin Orange. Yes, I guess I'm cheating a little by using the same orange for all 3 pictures, but whatever...that probably makes it a little harder for me in the long run as I'm going to have to eat more later.

So, here's number 3: Put on a Happy Face


Number 4: Make Some New Friends


And Number 5: Experience Nature


Pixar Marathon tonight...you can tell SOMEBODY goes to a Bible college when this is a highlight of their Spring Break (guiltily raises hand while in corner). But whatever, I'm taking cupcakes so none of your negativity can deter me from being overly excited about this. Wishing you and yours a wonderful weekend.

22 TtdWaMO-- 2

Things you can do with a mandarin orange: Get Pretty

Well today was the last of my classes before spring break so now I'm FREE until the Monday after Easter...it's nice and all, but a pretty long time considering that I have no way of getting anywhere. Oh well, it's a break and I will most definitely enjoy it.

So I was "tutoring" yesterday in the writing center, which in this case actually means that I was just sitting IN the writing center hoping that somebody would come in. Well nobody came, so I was stuck in the little prison room reading college writing textbooks. They're not actually that bad if they're the kind that have essay excerpts and stuff, which is what this particular one was, and one author had some thoughts that I found interesting. He said that Americans are obsessed with photographs (I'm raising my hand on this one) because we want to "prove" every moment we live. We don't go somewhere to see it and be amazed, we go to take a picture so we can remember and at the very least prove to ourselves that we went. He said that we're so quick to pull out a camera to put between ourselves and the object we're capturing that we rarely experience things without the restraint of "recording" it. I dunno how much of this matters, but I think he's right...I mean (again, I'm raising my hand because I do this), before facebook and digital cameras we still took pictures, but you had to have them developed and then either have friends over for a party to show off snapshots of your trip to the Grand Canyon, or you had to stick the prints in an envelope with a stamp and everything. But now, pictures are instant-- point and shoot, upload, then tag...presto, the world knows that you exist and that you weren't kidding when you said you accomplished NOTHING over the weekend. I suppose I could somehow open the can of worms about privacy in our "modern digital age," but I think when it comes down to it, we're obsessed with people knowing about us...we've disguised unabashed self-disclosure as "sharing" and "networking" but really it's just another way for us to not be surprised and to feel a little bit closer to one of our 835 "friends." I think, somehow, this ability really isn't doing us any favors. I mean, honestly, if you only know me because we're friends on facebook, then there's kind of a whole lotta stuff that you're missing, and it zorches any chance of me ever cooking for you. But seriously, how close of "friends" are we with all these people? What do they know about me? What do they "think" they know about me? The representations we give of ourselves through the pictures we take can't ever be entirely accurate, because I'm not sure we can ever entirely know who we ourselves are-- ourselves are a mystery to many people, including ourselves.

22 Things to do With a Mandarin Orange-- 1

Well my spring break starts at 4:05 tomorrow afternoon, leaving me with 11 days of nothing in particular. This coincides with my buying 3 lbs. of mandarin oranges for $2.98 (sweet deal!). I didn't realize how may oranges that is until I brought them home, and have been eating upwards of 3 a day in hopes that none will go bad. So, for the sake or artistic and creative expression, I've decided to challenge myself and try to come up with-- 22 Things to do With a Mandarin Orange. Each day I will say what I did with my orange, and post a picture to prove it.

Today I learned that mandarin oranges are delightful in stir fry...

Audible voice of God? Perhaps.

Well here I find myself again...ridiculously tired, sitting on my floor eating tortellini, and trying to avoid eye contact with the stack of 3x5 cards that make up the magical pathway to the best research paper ever. I have nothing against that particular paper, I just would rather go to bed than type up a draft that I know is going to be sketchy at best.

What does all this mean? Go find somebody to give you a high-5 (or a hug if you're lucky) dear reader, because you have found yourself in the middle of a warm-up. That's right...the shadow of genius you see here is only a glimmer of the amazing-ness that is to come in this paper about...media's objectification of adolescent girls. Exciting, I know. At least I hope it will be amazing...I hope. I hope. I hope.

So there I was in class on Tuesday morning, thinking "ok, I'm not gonna cry, not gonna cry, not gonna cry, etc." Of course, I attempted to look "cute," and of course I wasn't going around being all like "ooooh, this is SUCH a bad week...I'm going to see a COUNSELOR on Thursday." I was just...me. Normal quiet, nerdy, occasionally snarky, me. Usually the prof starts of class by praying, but that morning he shook things up a little and told us to pair up and pray for each other. This girl that I sit beside always pairs up with me, so of course we paired up for this. She started to tell me what she needed prayer for: "I look happy a lot, but I'm actually not ok all the time...I'm actually kinda bitter at the world, but people just don't see it." HOLD ON. DID WE JUST MIND MELD?! Because that's exactly what I was thinking I SHOULD say but then the lame part of my brain was going all like "no, you shouldn't tell anybody because they'll just think you're an emotional wreck because you're SUPPOSED to be the one who's always 'fine.'" Well too bad lame quadrant of my head, I was like "that's so weird...that's exactly what I'm going through." And that is how she became the first person here in Spokane to know that I was going to counseling.

Not that that's the important part...the important part is that there aren't accidents. There aren't "funny things." Things like that are nothing short of what I like to call "God talking." And maybe I'm not even calling it that, maybe that's what it IS.